Ask Sally
by Hear.My.Screams
Summary: An online advice column helps Tweek gain some some sort of respect from his classmates. The thing is. They don't know that the one their getting advice from, is him. Will Tweek forever be known as the shadow in the corner, or will Sally get him noticed?
1. You've got mail

**You've got mail!**

That may be the only thing in my life, that is keeping me going. I lift my shaking arm up and wipe the crud out of my eyes. Its a beautiful saturday morning and I'm stuck at home because its my dad weekend to take me. Stupid divorced parents. Stupid slow internet connection.

I click on the little mail icon; trying to be as patient as I can as I wait for it to load. Oh god, what if its just a bunch of fucking spam? That would be way too much pressure. I'd end up punching my stupid wall in for having to wait this long.

Finally, it loads, and to my disappointment. It is just a bunch of spam. Its always a bunch of spam. No ones going to want to talk to a freak like me. Especially on the internet. On the internet, I'm no one. All I have is a gaia which I never even sign onto. I've been told by my one and only friend that it looks 'noobish'. Which I was guessing meant it looked like shit.

I sigh. Click the X button in the top right corner, and rest my chin on the surface of my computer desk. What is there to do? My dad is probably still sleeping. I don't feel like getting up to make coffee nor do I feel like cooking. I only have one friend who is with his father in hell. God, Tweek. When did your life become so dull?

I groan, picking myself up, and staring blankly at my computers desktop.

I feel like writing.

I love to write. I used to write an advice column in my schools new paper when I was in middle school. Everyone loved it so much that when I decided I wanted to resign and hand over the position to someone else, everyone decided they didn't want to use it anymore. They, of course, didn't know it was me who was behind the advice column. To them, I was a girl named Sally Coleman. If they did. They wouldn't have wanted to read it.

Wait,

Suddenly, an Idea comes to me. An idea which would take some time and effort in getting noticed in, but an idea, none the less. And I reach my hand over to my mouse, and move it so the little arrow is over my Mozilla Firefox button. I double click, and as it loads. I ponder if this is really such a good idea or not.

My idea? Make an advice Column for South Park High School, Right on Myspace. Everyone at my school used myspace. It was like their place to chill on the internet. Or atleast, that's what Damien always tells me. He rants on about how lame the website is. And how much all the kids at our school are losers for using it.

But here the thing. At my high school, SPHS. I'm nothing. I was never anything but a shadow in the corner. People will pass me in the hallway and they won't even see me. But Sally Coleman? Shes the one who knows exactly what to say. Shes the advice queen with all the respect.

I want that respect.

Even if I get shoved around in the hallways, pushed into garbage can and constantly am made fun of during the day... Sally Coleman won't be. Shes anonymous. Everyday the kids in my school will walk through their hallways, looking for a **girl**. Never will they suspect me. She'll—or should I say—I'll- be sitting right in front of my computer screen. Giving advice, receiving compliments. Etc. And they won't have a clue. I grin. My idea is genius. And I can only see small flaws.

I quickly type in the myspace url, and when that's done loading, I click the blue 'Sign Up Now!' Button. I begin to fill out the simple information; stopping to make up a fake birthday. When I click the next button, it tells me to confirm my email address, so I open another window, quickly sign onto my hotmail, and look for the confirmation email. When I find it, I click on the link provided. Which takes me to a plain white page with the myspace Logo. In the middle it says: "Congratulation! Welcome to Myspace!".

When I click on home, I smile when the top reads; "Welcome, Sally Coleman."

Not "Get Lost, Loser."

Or "Suck my dick, spazz."

Just a nice introduction for a little girl named Sally. The first thing I do is edit the about me section. I had a myspace before and know how to use it and its simple html. I enter the correct tags to center my text and images that I want to put in my about me, and change the font size to something smaller,

And here it goes, I begin to write. Trying to sound professional.

When I'm done. I sit back, and look over my work.

Hello, and welcome.

Incase you don't remember or you happen to be new to the South Park School District, Some few years ago in middle school, their was an advice column. Ask Sally. Now, Sally doesn't exist. Who is really behind the column shall remain anonymous. But Ask Sally was quite popular, and me, anonymous, was the person behind it. I thought since myspace seems to be a big community chill site for our school, that I'd put the advice column here. Where you can ask questions out in the open, through comments, or in privacy. In messages. Top friends shall be random.

Just remember:

There are no stupid questions.

Just stupid **people**.

I pat myself on the back for the whole; stupid questions quote. I feel proud of myself. Like I am taking a step up in life. Even if it was just with online popularity.

The only thing to do now is to really add people. And maybe take Tom off. Because hes absolutely creepy.

So I quickly type in the names of a few kids I know, and discover, that my school has a group. This is fantastic, I think. What better way to get publicity? I click the "Join Group" button and shift a little nervously in my chair.

What if they all hate it?

The thought never occurred to me that they might actually hate it and will try to get it deleted. The thought made me sad. So I quickly clicked the sign out button on the top.

There was only one way to find out.

Just check back later, see if there are any replies.

--

xO

I love this fanfiction! This is my favorite one that I ever wrote,  
Oh god, I was orginally going to use it to bash myspace a'lil bit. But it turned out a lot better than that. So haha!  
Review, please. They make me happy.


	2. Not in the House!

"Wake up, Sally!"

I groan, rolling over in my bed. I pull my pillow over my head to block out the noise of my best friend, Damien. Who obviously is getting a kick out of my return to giving advice. How did he find out so fast, anyways? News must travel fast here in South Park. Its a shame I never noticed it.

"Go die, Damien." I grumble.

"Now, that won't be fun. I'd have to spend all my time with my dad if that happened. And I'd surely miss you. Saaaalllly."

I regret ever becoming friends with him in sixth grade. I regret ever sharing secrets on that one stupid sleepover. Stupid Damien and his stupid superior intellect. If he wasn't so goddamn smart I wouldn't want anything to do with him. I curse growing up in this redneck, southern town we call South Park. You either become friends with the crazies or the dumbs. And I want nothing to do with either. Thank you very much.

"Fuck off. Dude. I'm tired." I say as I begin to sit up. I lift an arm up to my eyes, wiping the crud out of it. Its a wonder how I even got sleep at all. I was anxious the whole night. I'm terrified to even go check my emails, in fear that someone left some kind of hate filled comment or message.

"Dude. But seriously. Go check the myspace." Damien says with that cocky grin on his face. I raise an eyebrow. Knowing Damien, he probably left a bunch of spam comments just to annoy me. I roll my eyes, and quickly get out of bed, letting the blanket I was holding onto fall to the ground in a messy heap of clothe.

I push past Damien and walk over to my computer desk. Being that my dad refuses to let me use any of the chairs in the kitchen, the computer is seated on the floor, while I laid a pillow down as a chair. I squat down, and sit down on the pillow, and look over to Damien,

"Are you going to stand there or are you going to check it with me?" Damien rolls his eyes, and sits down on the floor next to me. We both sit there, waiting for my computers desktop to load up. And when its finished, I scroll over to the mozilla firefox icon, and double click it.

I pause, nervous. I look over to Damien who gives me a comforting smile. I bite my lip, and enter the url to myspace. And when its done loading, I sign in,

And when I get to the home page, what I find shocks me.

**New Friend Request**

**New Comments**

**New Messages**

**New App Invites**

I almost have a heart attack, right then and there. But Damien tells me to continue on. So I start with the Comments. I was scared and nervous, but what I found wasn't hateful, mean comments. They were actually pretty sweet.

**Heidi Turner**

**October 9, 2005**

Oh. Em. Eff. Gee!!!!

Is this really—you know. Sally? I'm going to have a heart attack! I just wanted to tell you, I used to love your column in 7th grade. I'm in 10th now, but, oh god, you helped me so much with my first boyfriend. Do you know how verbally abusive he was? I didn't need that in my life since my father had just passed on and whatnot. Sally, I truly love you, girl. I'll only go to you if I need advice.

That was the first comment, the first out of five. And it made me flush red. Did I really help someone that much? The thought made me giggle. And Damien lightly punched my shoulder; as if to say:"Don't let it go to your head, dude,"

The second one, though almost made me burst into tears of laughter. Because it was a ninth grader asking advice as to where to find his Science homework. I clicked the "Respond back" button and entered something in real quick. I was getting the hang of this, and I didn't seem like people hated me like I thought they would. A little smile plays on my lips. And I look at my finished writing.

**October 10, 2005**

Dear Filmore,

Sweetie, if you cannot find it at all, and its really that important to your grade, than please go ask your teacher for another copy of the homework and re-do it. The old; "My dog ate it" trick isn't going to work. So its best just to be honest and say you lost it.

Click. And Send.

I go back to the comments, and continue reading them Some of them were just simple; "Thanks for the adds,'.

But one seemed to catch my attention.

**Craig Tucker**

**October 9, 2005**

Hi.

I want to be friends.

Sally, I am Craig.

Now, since I'm not a selfish bitch.

I will ask a question about _you_.

How are you?

I blink. Once. Twice.

Craig?

I groan in distaste. Its not that I didn't like Craig. Its just that he was a little... blunt. He was honest. Brutally honest. And it bothers me. I remember we did a project together, we had to take care of an egg—and when I asked him what he thinks of the coloring, he told me it looks like shit.

But I guess since its through Sally, who is way more respected then me, it won't really matter if he humiliates me.

I look to Damien. And he shrugs his shoulders. So I click the "reply" button.

**October 10, 2005**

Oh, hi Craig.

Despite being waken up and forced to check this thing,

(Which I seriously, did not want to do, for the record.)

I guess I'm doing fine. I finished a book the other day.

I click the send button, and when its done loading, I go back to the homepage. Now all there is to do is check the messages. Which I'm sure won't take to long.

When I check them, all I see is a welcome message and a one other one by a girl named Rebecca. Shes also known as Red, for her gorgeous red hair.

When I open the message, it read;

**Reeeeed!;)**

**October 9th, 2005**

**Subject: Heeeeeeey**

I love you. :D

I blink.

Was that really worth sending a message over? Why not something through comment? I click the delete button, and then the X button in the right hand corner.

Since no one asked anything really good today, I guess I'll have to spend my time with Damien.

And when I look up to Damien, I see that he has made a small ball of fire,

"Damien, not in the house!"

–

Sorry, I just had to throw that thing with Damien and the fireball in. xD;

This chapter isn't all that great,

But its long, so I like it cuz of that.


	3. Gossiping Ginny

**October 10, 2005**

_Oh, hi Craig._

_Despite being waken up and forced to check this thing,_

_(Which I seriously, did not want to do, for the record.)_

I guess I'm doing fine. I finished a book the other day.

"Wow." The black haired boy whispered. He leaned back in his computer chair. Staring at the screen.

Who was this girl?

Craig had dated every girl at his school. Has fucked 70% of them. And got the deepest secrets out of all of them. So why is it, that this girl is not among them? Something was not adding up here. He just shakes his head, reaching into his bag of fruit snacks. He popped one of the sweet treats into his mouth and scrolled down on his own myspace profile.

He wanted information. He wanted to dig deeper into this. Craig was **never** satisfied until he had everything placed down in front of him.

He gets up from his chair and starts pacing back and forth.

How to Get Sally's identity, how to get Sally's identity...

There had to be something else that she uses.

But it hit him that even if there was, it would be damn near impossible to find it. This girl was secretive and sneaky. Something about her was off and Craig would find out.

"Wait..."

Some little idea had just entered the dirty mind of Mr. Tucker.

–

Tweek was never enthusiastic about school. It was like his second living hell. First being Damien, second being said establishment.

He glared down at his tray of mashed potatoes and gravy. Unsatisfied. He hated the school food. And he hated everyone in this goddamn building. People were so goddamn stupid. He had everyone wrapped around his finger, though. That was a good thing.

They were all gossiping and whispering into each others ears about his—or **her** reappearance. Tweek was enjoying the attention. But he knew it wasn't actually directed at him. He knew he shouldn't let it go to his head. And he wasn't.

"Tweeeeeekers!" Damien says as he smiles at me from across the table. I raise an eyebrow and sigh. I knew why he was saying my name in that sugar-honey voice of his. I always knew. And for some odd reason I really wished I didn't. And there wasn't a reasoning for it.

"Hes staring again, isn't he?"

He nods and I groan in distaste.

Thomas McCracken.

For some reason hes had the hugest crush on me--Ever since he moved in to SPHS. I don't know what it was. Maybe its because Damien and I were the only people to let him sit with us. Maybe it was because I had a nice ass. Either way, he really, really has the hots for me. Why he didn't go for Damien, I guess we'll never really know.

I turn my head and stare directly at him. Blank and uncaring. He just stares on back with a fearful expression on his face.

"FUCK! SHIT!" He screams as he turns back to his food.

Poor Kid. Maybe one day I'll humor him and go on a date.

I push my bangs away from my face and move in closer to Damien's Face.

"I'm afraid to check the myspace, Damien... its too much pressure." I whisper. Trying not to catch the attention of my fellow classmates--Not like they were paying attention anyways. But you know, Its nice to think someone was.

Damien shakes his head and pushes my face away with one of his big hands. I attempt to bite him out of anger, but remember that I'd be fucking with the son of Satan. Not some stupid pussy little goth kid.

"Shut the hell up, everyone loves you. You cunt." Pause. "If it makes you feel any better We can hang out over my house and check it." I smile sweetly at him as he rolls his eyes. My hands reach up and I pull at his cheeks.

"Iloveyou!" I scream. And I'm pretty sure that DID catch quite a few of my classmates attention. But I didn't care. Damien was my best friend and I didn't care who knew. I stop and plop down in my seat—ignoring Damien's intense glare. I just laugh.

"I hate you SO much, I hope you know that, Tweek." He says under his breathe. I just shake my head. Knowing full well that was not the goddamn truth. But it was our secret.

–

Damien and I are both standing in front of him computer—too lazy to pull out some chairs from the kitchen.

Its already loaded and ready to go. And right now I am scrolling over the Opera icon, clicking a few times. I felt this sinking feeling in my chest. I knew everyone liked Sally! But...something was going to happen. Something big and I could feel it. My anxiety was getting the better of me, and I was shaking heavily.

I gulp as I type in my login to the myspace. Sigh when I realize that I only have....

**New friend Requests!**

**New Comments!**

But that was only the beginning. I click on the new comments, relieved when I find out its by the Filmore kid, and Clyde Donovan.

**Filmorex333**

**October 12, 2005**

Thanks a ton, I told my teacher and she said she'd extend my time on the project.

You helped a lot, Ms. Sally.

Somehow that made me feel better. As I scroll down and look at Mr. Donovan's comments I almost choke.

**Sexy DonovanxX**

**October 11, 2005**

Hi I dont kno who u r but ur hot.

Damien is laughing in the background, choking on the milk that he was drinking. I shove him in the stomach with my elbow and he just laughs even harder. Clyde Donovan tried to push me into Stark's pond when we were in 7th grade! This is madness!

I don't bother responding to that, and instead look at the friend request.

I don't feel as nervous as I did before, but what I find almost makes me a have a heart attack.

**Gossiping Ginny Would Like To be Your Friend!**

**Accept**

**Deny.**

–

**A special Thank you to:**

RyuichixTatsuha

Thank you for letting me know there are people that actually like this....:]

--

-Giggles- Surprised? XD

Um, sorry for the late update. Between moving, being in and out of the hospital, stupid drama bs, and etc-- I haven't had the time for this. But um, yeah. This chapter kind of sucks but I like it. C:

Review?  
I want to make a cover for this. Like a doujinshi one. I started it, but It will take some time to color and whatnot. I'll show you guys when its done.


	4. RoseThorne

**Gossiping Ginny Would Like To be Your Friend!**

**Accept | Deny.**

I lean in closer to the computer screen, staring intensely at the text typed out in front of me. What. Was. This? Was this a joke? Something to make me laugh or cry?

"_Ginny_?" Damien says it before I do, raising an eyebrow. He seems just as puzzled as I am. I tilt my head to the side. My heart was pounding in my chest. Was it fear? Fear of competition?

No. It was anger, just a bit of it. What the hell was this? I finally get some sort of attention and respect and I get this? Some asshole Doing something similar to my silly little idea? This was madness! This...was too much pressure!

I angrily click on the accept button. And when its done loading, and says; "You are Now Friends With...." I click on miss Ginny's profile. I had to check this out. Yes, I was shaking more than usual. Yes I was probably going to punch Damien in the face for breathing heavily on the back of my head.

But with all that aside, I stare at the nicely done layout of this 17 Year Old Girl From South Park Colorado. My eyes are immediately dragged to her about me section. And Iam surprised to find decent grammar and spelling to fit with the nice html skills.

_So I hear there are a few rumors going around the school..._

_And I hear that I might be able to throw gas into the fire. ;)_

_Ginny is thy name, gossiping is my game. Any juicy rumors circulating around the school will be confirmed by me. I am a master mind. And I know all! This is no Burn Book. I do not start rumors, I turn them into facts. Rumors are but fiction until confirmed. All you need to know about me is that I'm a sweet girl that walks among you in your very own highschool hallways. I use the same bathroom, eat in the same cafeteria, Sit in the same classroom._

_I am not your enemy._

_Just remember that._

"we have competition, Tweek." I look up at Damien—who has now put his glass of milk down. I just sigh and shake my head. Its not like she really was competition.

She was just a threat.

What if people liked her more than me?

I just cover my eyes with my hands, as if I'm crying. But instead I just don't feel like looking at the computer screen. I let it slide when I feel Damien's body leaning over me to scroll through this newcomers page.

"Wait, dude...."

I sigh.

"What...?"

I hear the clicking of Damien's Keyboard. A pause. And then I feel him-TOUCHING ME. Moving my hands away from my face. My cheeks are a bit flushed when he did this. But I ignored it--That happens a lot, when Damien touches me. But it was normal. Right?

"She has MSN."

I blink as I stare at the msn address infront of me.

**GigglyGossiper****AT Hotmail Dot Com**

"so?" I groan, shaking off Damien's grip on my wrist. Where he was getting at with this was beyond me.

"Well...."

Pause.

"Lets just say....what if we tried to—instead of taking this kid as competition, we took her as an Allie. You know, that way we won't bump heads or anything? And she won't gossip about us? Because, you know, she can do that."

I think about this for a few seconds. I knew it sounded logical and reasonable. But what if she didn't comply? We'd be screwed for even trying. I squeeze my eyes shut, reach my hands up to my hair and pull at it. This was something I used to do when something was making me anxious or upset. I take in a deep breathe, and whisper the words that I rarely like to use anymore.

"T-too....much....PRESSURE...."

I can feel Damien rolling his eyes.

"Reverting back to those elementary years are we?" Damien says, laughing. I lightly slap him with the back of my hand--and I laugh as I look up at him.

"Maybe I am. Isn't it a good thing? Means I'm bringing out my inner child!" I say in mock excitement. This however, only results in Damien growling and crossing his arms in a standoffish manner.

"Well, You know my login. I'm going to be over there. You sit and decide what you want to do."

I turn my head and watch as he walks out of his room, leaving the computer to me. I just stare blankly at the adress typed out on this girls interest section.

Should I?

I take a deep breathe—I have a small bit of courage. And a lot of the sardonic bitch inside of me is spilling through. So I crack my neck, crack my knuckles—and open up msn. It takes me a few minutes to remember Damien's sign in. And I groan in distaste when I do.

**Welcome! RoseThorne!**

Why Damien has such a girly screen name is beyond me. But whatever floats his boat.

Anxiously, I click the "Add new Contacts Button." And Type in the newly found acquaintance's address. I tap my fingers for about a second and find that they were now on my contact list. Online and everything.

I take another deep breathe and dive into this. No need to be a scaredy cat!

When I type in the first few words-- I feel like something bad was going to happen.

**RoseThorne (5:04 PM)**

Hi, this is Ginny. Correct?

I sit there. Waiting for a reply. And when it comes—the bing sound hitting me right in the fucking face, I lean in closer to the computer screen again.

**GigglyGossiper (5:04PM)  
**Yes, and who may this be?

Whom may I be? Stupid fuck. But it wasn't obvious as to who I was by the screen name...

–

**RoseThorne (5:05 PM)**

Sally. :) Theeee Sally. I have a question or two for you, m'dear.

I choked. Absolutely fucking choked. Sally? I sit pretzel style in my swirly chair, tugging on the flaps of my hat. This was something I did when I got extremely excited. And right now I was ecstatic. This was the start.

**GigglyGossiper (5:05 PM)**

Oh, its Ms Sally! Aim away hun.

My little sister lied to me. She said I'd make a horrible girl and here I was pulling it off. She was the only one who knew about this whole little thing. And Ruby? She had no social life. She either was on the computer or playing video games. Her only friend was my pet guinea pig.

**RoseThorne (5:07 PM)**

Well, I noticed the myspace page. Thank you for adding me....but. I hope this doesn't make us rivals? I was wondering if we could be your allie? That way we won't bump heads?

**GigglyGossiper** **(5:09 PM)**

I don't think that would be a problem, Ms Sally. But may I ask you something? Its just....where did you pick out your screenname? Its very pretty. Is your name Rose, perhaps? And how are you today?

As soon as I asked this I knew I'd regret it. I was expecting her to sign out a second after said question was asked. But instead, I got a response.

–

I push Tweek to the side and take over the keyboard. The poor kid was getting ready to have a fucking heart attack! My eyes examine the text typed out on the screen.

**GigglyGossiper** **(5:09 PM)**

I don't think that would be a problem, Ms Sally. But may I ask you something? Its just....where did you pick out your screenname? Its very pretty. Is your name Rose, perhaps? And how are you today?

I growl in distaste. This dirty butthole was up to no good and I could taste it. Actually, I could easily find out who this kid was. My dad had connections and lots of cool toys. I'd leave that for later. But now I'd play along.

**RoseThorne (5:11 PM)**

No, Rosalinda is my best friend. She let me use her msn. And oh, I'm fine! I just finished a book the other day, helped my dad a bit around the house. You?

I knew I was getting myself involved. But I didn't care. There was no girl in SPHS by the name Rosalinda. Like hell this kid would find out who I am.

I gasp, scared by the next reply I get. It wasn't perverted or disgusting or anything bad. NO. It wasn't even by Ginny...

**FrenchKidx333 (5:12 PM)**

Ello, Damien my old chap! How are you today?

"Whos that, Damien?" Tweek asks, looking over my shoulder. I flush a deep red, and push him away with my elbow. Scrolling my arrow over the sign out button, I click twice. Signing out.

Stupid mother fucking online friend. The kid always im'd me at random times. But in a way he saved both Tweek and I, We could have gotten ourself into some shit if we continued that conversation. I could sense something was up--And I didn't like it.

–

Thanks a ton for the lovely reviews. And Isdgjkhiusdvjsjd.

Light DamienxTweek?

Probably not. Or maybe yes? Or maybe not....  
Vote on it?

And yep, I threw Pip in this. He plays a small role later in this.

And if your not sure who Ginny is....than you need to get your head checked.


End file.
